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Should I Hire a Private Detective If I Think My Spouse is Having an Affair?

You've been feeling it in your gut -- you're wondering if your husband/wife is having an an affair. Usually, spouses have a sense that their partner is unfaithful long before any confirmation. After all, you probably know your spouse well. So when there are subtle shifts in their behaviors, responses, or schedule you may become suspicious of infidelity.


Is there someone else in the picture? Snooping and sleuthing often becomes the only way to answer your burning question. There may be various reasons for wanting hard evidence about your spouse's whereabouts and what they're doing. You may suspect an affair but your spouse is denying it. You may already know your spouse had an affair, and your spouse swears they ended things and is denying seeing their affair partner anymore, but you're not so convinced they're being honest.


Should you hire a private detective to know for sure? I advise clients to be certain they want the information before hiring a PI. You want to be prepared to learn and see things that you can't unlearn and unsee. You also need the support of a trusted therapist to help you discern what to do with the information. You don't want to be reactive, and you want to be cautious.


Also, make sure your safety is never at risk or in question if you choose to hire a PI. Ironically, it can make a cheating spouse very angry to find their privacy has been breached. Your physical safety must be prioritized.


Finally, if you're hiring a PI, ask yourself what you plan to do with the knowledge you have in hand. Will you use it to gain the courage to leave? Will you affirm your sanity and put an end to the confusion and gaslighting going on at home? Or are you looking for ways to blow the lid off things or blackmail your spouse or their lover? Get honest with your intentions.


Hiring a PI is usually a sign the marriage is compromised and in crisis. You have enough reason not to trust your spouse and to take matters into your own hands. While hiring a PI is expensive and certainly an extreme measure, you're motivated by the need for information and honesty where there's obviously an absence of it at home.


Make sure you have a trusted, supportive, and level headed support network when finding out for sure if your spouse is having an affair. Be mindful that friends may not always have the most sound advice -- after all, they feel protective of you and may be angry, too. Seek the counsel of an experienced and knowledgeable professional to help you navigate the conditions that are making you want to hire a PI in the first place. You'll need a safe, protected, focused place to give you a sense of how to move forward when infidelity is causing chaos in your life.

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